Falling in Love x 3

I went to see Tegan and Sara this past week and they were amazing, as always. Just like last time the place was overflowing with baby dykes. Once again Sara told us that we were a very attractive city and Tegan agreed. And once again I took it as a personal compliment and the self esteem boost lasted for days and days. Here's proof:

Though I really needed that to comfort me since Tegan didn't happen to see me in the crowd, propose marriage to me on the spot and then dedicate "Nineteen" to me.

Of course to me she would have been singing "hi" instead of "bye". Then I would have left my stressful job that's giving me grief lately and gone on tour with them and we'd live happily ever after. Oh well, sometimes things don't happen the way you plan.

Regardless, I pretty much fell in love three times that wonderful night. Once with Tegan, once with Sara, and then also with Hesta Prynn from Northern State, the opening band for the evening. Oooh girl, that woman is smokin'! The whole group was pretty awesome, and very friendly hanging out by the merch table after the show.

Unsafe We Are

It's been a while since I last wrote. It's not that I don't have anything to blog about. There's been cute girls in the dog park, my work world and world of friends colliding, a play about Frida Kahlo, the celebration of International Women's Day... Not to mention Buffy having sex with a girl! It's just that at the moment a lot of stuff is going on in my life work wise and it's draining all the life out of me.

However, I did want to stop by and post something. It relates in a way to my celebration of March 8th (that's International Women's Day, for those who don't know) during which I participated in a Take Back the Night demo. Lots of women marching together and loudly reclaiming the night, it was a beautiful thing. Of course, Take Back the Night is about protesting violence and crime against women. This following PSA is about protesting violence and crime against LGBT-people.

Lesbian video from AfterEllen.com

All in all the same message. Don't hate. Not because of gender or gender identity/expression. Not because of sexual orientation. Just don't hate.

Aaaah, The Heteros Are Taking Over!!!

I went out this weekend. For once, I got my shit together and I went out. Despite being tired and wanting to go to bed at about 9:30 pm I stayed the course. Sadly about half of the people at the birthday party I was attending did not follow through with our full night of dancing and drinking, but a small group of us managed to find the strengt to continue on. And I must say, I was pretty damn proud of myself when I sauntered home at 4 am, hearing the birds' chirping away in the early morning. However, I was also exhausted and slightly depressed. Why the sad face? Well, mainly because I was really really really hoping for something fun in the way of flirting/make-out session/one-night stand-wise to happen... and it didn't, at all.

But let's ignore my faulty flirting skills and how apparently unattractive I must be since no one hits on me and get to the part where I get to displace all the blame: I blame the heterosexuals. Not necessarily all of them. But definitely the ones that were at the club I attended Saturday night. Everywhere we turned, there they were. Hetero couples practically swallowing each other's tongues and grinding up against the walls. Cute girls that would peak my interest for a second before I noticed that they were nervously holding on tight to their boyfriend's hand (I swear, some of these couples will not let go of each other's hands ALL night. I mean, if you're straight and at a gay club: At least don't be so nervous that you can't give up showing off your heterosexual identity through your linking to your partner!). Blah.

Here's what I'm thinking:

1. In my city there are tons and tons of hetero clubs. There is exactly ONE weekly gay club. So goddamn it, leave my gay club alone straight people! Let it be gay and stop watering down the queerness of it.

2. With all those fag hags and other random hetero girls running around, a femmier type chick like myself has serious trouble getting recognized as gay. And duh, that's sort of the whole point of going to gay clubs: To be able to be seen for what you are and not viewed through that same old heterosexist lense that everyone in the straight world sees you through.

3. Honestly, when it's not just a few straight allies (as in genuine friends of gay people) coming along to the clubs (it's not like I'm pro a super segregated gay world/straight world) it get's to be a sort of circus-y, "come-look-at-the-freaks" kind of scene. I get the whole sense of "whoo, we're so tolerant and free-spirited, partying with the gays!", it bores me to tears.

Oh well, what the hell do I know. Maybe I'm just bitter beacuse the only attention I got was from a wrinkly woman who was leaving the club with her husband (yes, even old straight people were there) and stopped to tell me I was a beautiful girl as I was outside the club, having a smoke and telling The Ex off for passing up an awesome flirting opportunity.

Speaking of passing up opportunities! Good Guy is rumoured to have left the single club. It's just The Ex and me now, bitter as ever and both convinced that the other will leave us any day now.

(I truly do appologize about the bitterness of this entry. Sometimes straight people just piss me off. And couples. And happy people. Goddess, I hope I'm pms:ing so I have an excuse for this mood.)

The Education of Straight People: Part I

The other day The Ex stopped by my office to pick something up. For some of my co-workers this was the first time they met her and one male co-worker in particular (let's call him Mr. Tall) greeted her with a curious gaze and a "So you're the famous Ex". Another co-worker referred to her as my wife and I laughed and said "Yup, that's my wife".

After The Ex left Mr. Tall got this confused look on his face and asked about this whole wife thing. I misunderstood what he was aiming at and told him that "No, we're not actually married or anything, it's just an ongoing joke we've got about being like a married couple". He shook his head and said "No, no, I know you're not really married. But... is that terminology that gay people use? Wife?" My other co-worker intercepted with a "Duh, Mr. Tall, obviously! Gay people who are married use the same terminology as straight people." Mr. Tall responded: "Okay... But if she's your wife, than what are you to her?".

At which point my other co-worker and I looked at each other and just burst out laughing, since it finally hit us what he was angling at. It took us quite a while to gather ourselves enough to reply that obviously I am The Ex's wife as well, not her husband or anything else. And then we made fun of him for the rest of the day for being LGBT-illiterate.

Mr. Tall definitely owns up to being completely lost when it comes to gay stuff and is one of the people I have around me that I've had many many conversations with about these things. He's always respectful in this curiousity and tells me he's just never really had gay friends or acquaintances before that he could ask about these things. And I'm happy to participate in his LGBT-education, though I am careful to explain that I can only really speak from my own experiences and that I do not in any way speak for all gay people.

But I don't always feel like educating heteros on the lives of lesbians... Regardless, I figured I'd return from time to time with stories on silly, funny, ignorant, and down-right insulting Q & A:s I've had with straight people.

Singles Can Celebrate Valentine's Day Too!

That's what we did. We spent Valentine's Day alone together. And we didn't feel lonely at all.

The Ex, Good Guy and I (aka the few remaining singles in our group of friends) decided to celebrate that traditional, romantic, commercialized holiday in our own way. We cooked a fancy three course dinner and enjoyed it with delicious wine in candle light. It was romantic as anything! It was lovely not to be the pitied singles, but to instead be envied by our coupled friends for just one night. Yeah, that's right, the couples were envying the singles on Valentine's Day, how great is that?

Our appetizer, as seen above, was heart shaped and purdy. And it tasted lovely as well! All vegan, of course.

So what do three vegan singles discuss over Valentine's dinner? Well, various things, but a lot of time was spent geeking out over Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Good Guy just finished watching all seven seasons and now he's going through withdrawal... Oh, that horrible feeling of realizing you've seen every episode of Buffy that's ever been or will be made. Thank goodness for the season 8 comic. So of course, we watched some favorite episodes over desert. The Ex pined over Angel and Spike (she's bi), Good Guy drooled over Spike (he's totally straight, but I think he might make an exception for James Marster), and I drooled over all the fabulously hot women to make up for all the attention the men were getting. And I cried as we watched the final episode, "Chosen", as I always do.

I'll stop geeking out now. I'll just let it be known that this was by far the best Valentine's Day ever. It was sweet and wonderful and I recommend more people to have romantic dates with their friends, it's good for the soul.

One-Sided Flirting Goes Both Ways

I ventured out into the social world this past weekend as well. Not this weekend, because I've been laying at home sick with the flu, but the weekend before this one. And how did it go?

Well, the evening started with a trip to the neighboring city to attend a party where I knew no one except an old high school friend who was visiting Europe from overseas, and whom I haven't seen since graduation. It was great seeing him again and I met his girlfriend and caught up on all the important events of the last five or so years. Funny too, coming out for the second time to him since I identified as bisexual in high school and now identify as lesbian. So we compared and contrasted stories from high school and talked about all the drama I stirred up when I started dating my first girlfriend back in junior year. And as the wine poured we all got into more philosophical questions of the pros and cons of sex without emotional ties and the differences between women and men (biological or social constructions?). I think we all know where on the scale I fell in those debates...

One very interesting facet of the birthday party we attended was how fascinating it is to party with people who you'd normally never hang out with. I don't want to come off as a snob or anything, it's just that I tend to hang around the same type of people a lot. I guess most people have a comfort zone of sorts, as far as what "their group of people" is. For me, that group consists mainly of queer vegans (or at least vegetarians) with socialist leanings. So when I find myself at a party full of more capitalist friendly, meat-eating heteros (and yes, I know that I am very very much generalizing here) it's like a whole new world to me.

I had a great time mingling and there were definitely lots of pretty women there. I of course chatted fliratiously with several of them and that's when it hit me: I could be as obviously flirtatious as ever and they wouldn't perceive it as flirtation. And why? Well, because they're straight and don't think of women in that way, probably. If it had come up in conversation that I was gay, then maybe they'd have been watching more for those signals, but since it didn't in most convoes... well, it slipped right past them.

And I don't find that strange at all actually, because just a few days previously I was out an errand with a co-worker. We had our first meeting with a potential collaborative partner and he happened to be a relatively young guy. Well, it was a good meeting and walking out of there to the car my co-worker pointed out that he was flirting with me pretty hard core. To which I responded "Huh???" I was completely clueless to all the obvious flirting that had apparently taken place in that office and I think the reason why is that I simply don't think about men that way. Thus, I don't think about men thinking about me like that. If that makes any sense.

Regardless, flirting with straight girls was the only flirting I got that evening. I left the party early to head out to the women's bar in my city... but a train was cancelled and I ended up sitting at the station for an hour. And right around that time the three glasses of wine I'd had on an empty stomach all hit me at once and I didn't feel so good. So I did manage to get to the women's bar, but I ended up leaving after just making an appearance and saying hi to my friends. I'll make a new attempt soon, I promise.

One Night of Drinking, Two Days of Hung-Over

It is so unfair what the years are doing to me. It used to be I could go out and party all night and drink like a rock star, get a good nights sleep, and wake up slightly tired but all right. Now I have a night with friends, moderate drinking, and turn in pretty early only to wake up at 6:45 am, with a mouth drier than the Sahara and a pounding headache. I did manage to fall back asleep, after taking an aspirin and drinking two big glasses of water and I did manage to get up at 9:15 for an appointment I didn't want to miss... but then the rest of the day was just wasted. Whatever I tried to do it just ended up with me falling asleep. I fell asleep in the bathtub (twice), I fell asleep on the coutch watching a movie (at 7 pm) and then again while watching tv (at 9 pm). I got absolutely nothing done, so all of Saturday was pretty much a goner. Today, Sunday, hasn't been much better because I'm still not feeling 100% recovered, something that's typical for me as far as hangovers go.

Regardless, Friday evening was nice. I should probably just realize that I can't handle quite as many glasses of wines nowadays that I seldom drink, compared to back when I was still a student. But there was lots of wine. And then some beer. And lots and lots of toasts to Heath Ledger.

I was invited over for homemade vegan sushi by The Ex and her roomies (delicious!). Sitting around the dinner table in a group of queer women (well, six queer women and one straight dude who pretty much qualifies as an honorary lesbian) we started talking about places we could go out to. Sadly there were no queer bars or club nights to attend, so I had the brilliant idea of going to a hetero place, raising the rainbow flag and declaring it gay. We didn't go quite so far, but we did go out and we brought along my large rainbow flag and draped it over our table (it's terribly soiled now by various drinks). Then we sat around talking and laughing and once in a while giving the dance floor a whirl. I was of course secretly hoping some beautiful woman would happen to notice our gay table and come right over and sweep me off my feet... But that did not happen this Friday, unfortunately. Although there was plenty of LP lounging about. Next night out will be at a gayer venue, so we'll see how that goes. I'm hoping for a much lesser hangover, that's for sure.

Concerned Co-Workers and Easter Sex

My co-workers are deeply concerned about me. The reason for all this concern? The fact that I spend my Friday evenings watching old episodes of The Office and crocheting. I agree that it is slightly alarming. I mean, I am in my early 20's, an age that is typically more associated with wild nights out and sleep deprivation. So I find it sweet that two of my co-workers were trying to encourage me to go out and date, or at least find myself a one-night stand or two.

I, of course, informed them of my recently booked four day trip to go see Miss Sex. That is, however, way off in the future, or more specifically Easter weekend (oh, March, you can't come soon enough). I'm very much looking forward to it and I've gone ahead and purchased a few toys to bring along, all to fulfill some of the scenarios Miss Sex and I are itching to put into practice. Well, I didn't tell the co-workers about the toys actually, thought that might be a bit much. But I did tell them that I have some sex planned in already, so my dry spell this time around won't be quite so prolonged.

Miss Sex does live quite a long train ride away though, and so my one co-worker suggested I get myself a more local booty call. That sounds good and all, but honestly Miss Sex is the only queer woman I've met so far who's had such an awesomely free outlook on sex with no strings attached. I've met women who come off as being very free-spirited, but once you get down to it... lots and lots of strings get attached. And then there's others that truly share my outlook on sex, but most of those are my dear friends whom I have no physical attraction towards. But hey, I'm always on the look-out. And anyway, it's not like I wouldn't consider a relationship, should an oppurtunity arise. I just think the chances are slim of me finding someone I can connect with on all the necessary levels and who actually fits into my life of very busy and huge need for alone time. But maybe some day... One things for sure: I've got a drunken night in the near future all planned out and I won't be holding back. And that's a promise.

On Being Social, But Still Lazy

I attempted to leave the comfort of my home this weekend, which was probably something that was very good for me. I've spent too many weekend nights sitting at home, watching tv and crocheting. It must stop!

The Ex lured me out Friday night by calling me up and pleading for me to come out with her and her class mates. She claimed they were starting to think that I didn't exist and she very sweetly referred to me as her "trofé ex", as in "check it out, I dated her". How could I say no to being paraded in front of her friends? So I changed my top (that's all the effort I was willing to make)and headed out to meet her at the release party they were at.

And a good party it was! Good music, lots of queerness (both in performances and in party goers). Lots and lots of eye candy. I made total eye contact with a very cute girl at the bar (long red dreads, so pretty), but that's were the lazy comes in. I was trying to push The Ex into making a move on one of the girls she was basically drooling over, but we quickly realized we're in the same space: Tired. We rarely go out, we're exhausted by school/work, and once we are out... Well, just being out and about amongst people demands all the energy we can muster up and thus there is no energy left for striking up a conversation with cute strangers. Or maybe it's all a tragic excuse because we're scaredy cats. I'm working on it though.

Until then:

Eye candy

I want to make this quote a mixtape

"There is homophobia in every corner and pocket of this world, but at the core ... you just love someone and want to make mixtapes for them" -Sara Quin

Just yet another reason why the Quin twins are awesome.