The Education of Straight People: Part I

The other day The Ex stopped by my office to pick something up. For some of my co-workers this was the first time they met her and one male co-worker in particular (let's call him Mr. Tall) greeted her with a curious gaze and a "So you're the famous Ex". Another co-worker referred to her as my wife and I laughed and said "Yup, that's my wife".

After The Ex left Mr. Tall got this confused look on his face and asked about this whole wife thing. I misunderstood what he was aiming at and told him that "No, we're not actually married or anything, it's just an ongoing joke we've got about being like a married couple". He shook his head and said "No, no, I know you're not really married. But... is that terminology that gay people use? Wife?" My other co-worker intercepted with a "Duh, Mr. Tall, obviously! Gay people who are married use the same terminology as straight people." Mr. Tall responded: "Okay... But if she's your wife, than what are you to her?".

At which point my other co-worker and I looked at each other and just burst out laughing, since it finally hit us what he was angling at. It took us quite a while to gather ourselves enough to reply that obviously I am The Ex's wife as well, not her husband or anything else. And then we made fun of him for the rest of the day for being LGBT-illiterate.

Mr. Tall definitely owns up to being completely lost when it comes to gay stuff and is one of the people I have around me that I've had many many conversations with about these things. He's always respectful in this curiousity and tells me he's just never really had gay friends or acquaintances before that he could ask about these things. And I'm happy to participate in his LGBT-education, though I am careful to explain that I can only really speak from my own experiences and that I do not in any way speak for all gay people.

But I don't always feel like educating heteros on the lives of lesbians... Regardless, I figured I'd return from time to time with stories on silly, funny, ignorant, and down-right insulting Q & A:s I've had with straight people.

For some reason I'm not able to put a title up for this blog entry. Oh well, let's see if that stops me! (I should mention that yesterday it did actually stop me. I kept trying to fix it but when I wasn't able to I just got pissed off and didn't feel like blogging at all...)

I spent the weekend with a friend who was visiting from overseas, and we went to a wedding, a big celebration of heterosexual loving. I had a wonderful time and the whole party was beautiful and fabulous. But there's still that naggin annoying feeling that "this is something I am not entitled to, according to a whole lot of people".

In Sweden I still can't get married. I can register a partnership, which has been the case for nearly 10 years now. That essentially means I can have the big ceremony, my wife and I would have all the same rights as a heterosexual couple... but marriage, the big M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E: That's still reserved for the union between one man and one woman.

And it's not really something I think about on a regular basis. For one, I'm not in a relationship so I'm nowhere near thinking about actually tying the knot with someone. Furthermore I was never one of those women who dreamt about a big white wedding ever since I was a little girl. Nope, never really was one of those girls. And to this day, while I do think that weddings are beautiful and am actually really moved by the ceremony and the big party of love that typically follows, I'm pretty sure that I don't want to get married. I'd love to have a big party and all of that, but the paper work and the title of wife and wife really holds no particular value for me. I suppose you could say I love weddings but am not a fan of marriage.

Still, when I'm at a wedding I get pissed in the midst of all the happiness, because even if I don't want it for myself I want to have the option. Right now, I don't even have the choice of rejecting the institution of marriage because "it" rejected me first. And we all know how it sucks to be rejected.

So I'm raising my glass to gay marriage: "May we all have the right to define our institutions as we see fit. May no one be denied the right to choose how we wish our unions to be recognized. May we all have the choice to say 'I don't need no stinkin marriage' and not be pre-empitively excluded from that holy circle that we may or may not want to be a part of."