Aaaah, The Heteros Are Taking Over!!!

I went out this weekend. For once, I got my shit together and I went out. Despite being tired and wanting to go to bed at about 9:30 pm I stayed the course. Sadly about half of the people at the birthday party I was attending did not follow through with our full night of dancing and drinking, but a small group of us managed to find the strengt to continue on. And I must say, I was pretty damn proud of myself when I sauntered home at 4 am, hearing the birds' chirping away in the early morning. However, I was also exhausted and slightly depressed. Why the sad face? Well, mainly because I was really really really hoping for something fun in the way of flirting/make-out session/one-night stand-wise to happen... and it didn't, at all.

But let's ignore my faulty flirting skills and how apparently unattractive I must be since no one hits on me and get to the part where I get to displace all the blame: I blame the heterosexuals. Not necessarily all of them. But definitely the ones that were at the club I attended Saturday night. Everywhere we turned, there they were. Hetero couples practically swallowing each other's tongues and grinding up against the walls. Cute girls that would peak my interest for a second before I noticed that they were nervously holding on tight to their boyfriend's hand (I swear, some of these couples will not let go of each other's hands ALL night. I mean, if you're straight and at a gay club: At least don't be so nervous that you can't give up showing off your heterosexual identity through your linking to your partner!). Blah.

Here's what I'm thinking:

1. In my city there are tons and tons of hetero clubs. There is exactly ONE weekly gay club. So goddamn it, leave my gay club alone straight people! Let it be gay and stop watering down the queerness of it.

2. With all those fag hags and other random hetero girls running around, a femmier type chick like myself has serious trouble getting recognized as gay. And duh, that's sort of the whole point of going to gay clubs: To be able to be seen for what you are and not viewed through that same old heterosexist lense that everyone in the straight world sees you through.

3. Honestly, when it's not just a few straight allies (as in genuine friends of gay people) coming along to the clubs (it's not like I'm pro a super segregated gay world/straight world) it get's to be a sort of circus-y, "come-look-at-the-freaks" kind of scene. I get the whole sense of "whoo, we're so tolerant and free-spirited, partying with the gays!", it bores me to tears.

Oh well, what the hell do I know. Maybe I'm just bitter beacuse the only attention I got was from a wrinkly woman who was leaving the club with her husband (yes, even old straight people were there) and stopped to tell me I was a beautiful girl as I was outside the club, having a smoke and telling The Ex off for passing up an awesome flirting opportunity.

Speaking of passing up opportunities! Good Guy is rumoured to have left the single club. It's just The Ex and me now, bitter as ever and both convinced that the other will leave us any day now.

(I truly do appologize about the bitterness of this entry. Sometimes straight people just piss me off. And couples. And happy people. Goddess, I hope I'm pms:ing so I have an excuse for this mood.)

(So called) straight girl?

I used to pride myself on never falling for straight girls. In fact, I was never even attracted to straight women. Even when I didn't know anything about a woman's sexuality, chances were: if I was attracted to her, she was queer. But then again, sexuality can be very fluid. And right now I'm pretty damn attracted to a woman who very much identifies as straight. Could it be she just hasn't uncovered her inner lesbian yet? And more importantly: Could it be she just needs a little help uncovering said lesbian? Straight Girl is, although claiming to be decidedly heterosexual, expressing an interest in me. She's was a bit flirtatious last time I saw her (this weekend) and our common friends claim she has been talking quite a bit about me. So maybe Straight Girl ain't really so straight? Perhaps she's at the very least bi-curious?

Really this whole straight girl thing isn't as new to me as I'd like to make it seem. It seems that I attract straight people. Straight men hit on me, straight women hit on me... in fact, even gay guys take an interest in me (although completely non-romantic of course) when I'm out and about. The cruel hand that fate has dealt me is that everyone seems to find me somewhat interesting except the lesbians and bisexuals. But sometimes a "straight girl" is only a bisexual grrl in the making. Now, I really don't want to come across as a predatory lesbian (my friends will testify I'm anything but that) but let's look at the facts:

Women I've had sex with: 3 (yeah, I'm really no player)

Women I've had sex with where I've been their first woman: 3

Yup, 100 % shared their first experience of lesbian sex with me. (And I still haven't received my toaster oven! What's up with that?!) Of course, it should be said those girls weren't "straight girls" when I met them. They were girls who identified to various degrees as bi or at the very least bi-curious. And while I haven't slept with many girls I have made out with plenty (I'm a make out slut, it's true). And many of those were straight girls who'd had a few drinks and started to feel the need to experiment their way to self-discovery. And they decide to do it with me. I think there's something about me, maybe something safe, that allows them to fool around with me without threatening their existense too much. Maybe it's that I look so traditionally hetero? They know I'm gay, but they can sort of pretend like they're just making out with one of their straight girlfriends?

It's not even that I mind being some kind of transitionary station for bicurious girls. I just wonder why that is? And why all the out and proud dykes are refusing to flock to me the way I want them to?

Straight Girl though... I'm totally going for it. I'm in dating-mode and I'm unstoppable.