Thursday, April 17, 2008

Five Signs of a Successful One-Night Stand

In celebration of my first successful one-night stand with a woman (yes, I will admit to have had one or two with guys, back when I was still doing that male thing) I thought I'd try to compile a list of criteria for what makes a one-night stand successful. This is the result:

  1. It's someone you don't know. Sure, this might be a debatable point, but if I were to go home with a friend I've known for a while and have sex with her... I'm not sure what I would define it as, but it wouldn't quite be a one-night stand. In this case it was a complete stranger I met at the girl club (of course we were quickly able to establish which friends we had in common - our world is, after all, so very small), made out with one the dance floor and promptly brought home.
  2. There is actual sex involved. This would seem quite obvious, if it weren't for encounters such as the one I had with Sleep Over Girl back in May of last year (the words "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight" still ring in my head from time to time). This encounter was hassle free. Sure, there was that moment of walking home together, talking about this and that. And then going into my apartment, and then into the bedroom, making small talk while both wonder "Okay, so how are we gonna do this then?". But once we got the kissing going there was no stopping us.
  3. There is no crying or speaking of old relationships. Staying on the topic of Sleep Over Girl for a while... She (and Ex-Gaybor) had me worried that my bed was cursed for quite a while there, what with all the processing that was going on in it. Thankfully that curse seems to have been lifted.
  4. There is no discussion of "where this is going". Now that is really fucking scary when you bring someone home with you expecting some sex with no strings attached and they start talking about how soon they can see you again or hinting towards that they're looking for more than just sex. That's where you have a me-shaped hole in the wall from where I ran out of the room screaming.
  5. You don't call each other afterward. We did actually exchange phone numbers, me and this girl, let's call her Miss One-Night. But we did it in an extremely casual "maybe-we'll-bump-into-each-other-some-day" kind of way with no promise or even mention of us calling one another. It's been two weeks since our encounter and I'm thrilled that I haven't heard from her! When you do call each other... Well, that's something that might have started as a one-night stand but will quickly develop into something else.

So there you have it. A successful one-night stand, as defined by an Anonymous Lesbian. And here's to hoping there's many more in the future! Yes, I'm aiming for total slut status.