Hit Paus, then Play

Well then, it's been a few months... So what happened? I think I just started having too much sex and got overwhelmed by it all. I simply didn't know how to start the blogpost about my conference adventure at the end of April... in a convent of all places. (Pictured below: A convent, though not the one where I was clearly possessed by the ghosts of sexually frustrated, lesbian nuns and seduced by a fellow conference attendee.)

This blog has mainly been about my not having any sex and writing down my celibate ponderings, so after an Easter sex date, a first successful lesbian one-night stand, and then yet another one-night stand while away on a conference for work (that's three women within the scope of a month, who am I, Shane? Yeah, no, really not.) I was overwhelmed by the turn my life, and thus my blog, had taken. And also, I was a bit concerned that I might have used up all of my alotted sex and that I would now be facing a dry spell that would last for years and years to come. Though, that would normalize thing in the blogosphere for me.

See what months without blogging will do? It will leave you typing like a babbling idiot.

So, a quick recap of the sex life of the Anonymous Lesbian:

• April = Lots of sex
• May = Contently sans sex
• June = Another weekend sex date with Miss Sex

And speaking of Miss Sex, I found the perfect description of our relationship when reading Gloria Bigelow's blog on OurChart (you know, that website that was grossly over-advertised on a little lesbian show called "The L Word"). Miss Sex is my OTA, my Outta Town Ass. Gloria's description is spot on: "an OTA is essentially a three-day holiday — a mini relationship one visit at a time. You get all of the perks of a relationship — the romance, the sex, the cuddling and such — but with very little of the relationship trappings — the negotiation, the compromising or the 'let’s just turn in, I’m tired', or the constant needing to shave your legs." Well, spot on except for that last part of shaving your legs, I ain't shaving my legs for nobody's sake except my own if that mood should strike me!

This last weekend with Miss Sex involved musicals (watching the genious that is "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and Doris Day in "Calamity Jane"), cotton candy, traumatizing my dog with loud and slightly rough sex, making it up to her with long walks, and me taking care of poor Miss Sex who happened to have the flu the whole time she was here... That didn't stop her from making the most of the visit though.

A Psychich Appointment and Easter Sex

I went to see a psychic last week. I had made the appointment six months in advance and waited impatiently for the day to arrive. Of course it ended up not quite living up to my expecations but it was a fun experience and I did get some interesting tidbits out of it. I'm a skeptic at heart though and I did see a lot of signs that she was doing a traditional "cold reading", or so it appeared to me. But then again she was so right on the spot about some things, things that were very specific and that she couldn't have guessed.

One thing that definitely doesn't work in her favor is that she didn't have gaydar. Yes, most people assume that I'm straight, but a damn psychich if anyone should be able to spot that I'm as queer as they come. She was way off, talking about "he's" and "boyfriends" and a man and children in the future. She did backtrack quickly though when I corrected her use of pronoun in reference to an ex of mine, telling me that when she says that she sees "a man and children" in my future she's seeing a family picture, but that it's not necessarily gender specific. Whatever.

In other news: I just got home from a visit with Miss Sex (whom the psychic did mention by name and the city she lives in) and the Easter sex was fabulous. As far as details go... Well, I did get to enjoy the wonders of strap-on sex for the first time (good times!). Miss Sex also introduced me to the beauty that is Flight of the Conchords and we watched some season 5 episodes of The L Word and were inspired by the sex scenes in more ways than one. But back to Flight of the Conchords:

Oh, so many quotables. In that song and in others. But my new favorite line has got to be: "She's so hot she's making me sexist. Bitch."

Concerned Co-Workers and Easter Sex

My co-workers are deeply concerned about me. The reason for all this concern? The fact that I spend my Friday evenings watching old episodes of The Office and crocheting. I agree that it is slightly alarming. I mean, I am in my early 20's, an age that is typically more associated with wild nights out and sleep deprivation. So I find it sweet that two of my co-workers were trying to encourage me to go out and date, or at least find myself a one-night stand or two.

I, of course, informed them of my recently booked four day trip to go see Miss Sex. That is, however, way off in the future, or more specifically Easter weekend (oh, March, you can't come soon enough). I'm very much looking forward to it and I've gone ahead and purchased a few toys to bring along, all to fulfill some of the scenarios Miss Sex and I are itching to put into practice. Well, I didn't tell the co-workers about the toys actually, thought that might be a bit much. But I did tell them that I have some sex planned in already, so my dry spell this time around won't be quite so prolonged.

Miss Sex does live quite a long train ride away though, and so my one co-worker suggested I get myself a more local booty call. That sounds good and all, but honestly Miss Sex is the only queer woman I've met so far who's had such an awesomely free outlook on sex with no strings attached. I've met women who come off as being very free-spirited, but once you get down to it... lots and lots of strings get attached. And then there's others that truly share my outlook on sex, but most of those are my dear friends whom I have no physical attraction towards. But hey, I'm always on the look-out. And anyway, it's not like I wouldn't consider a relationship, should an oppurtunity arise. I just think the chances are slim of me finding someone I can connect with on all the necessary levels and who actually fits into my life of very busy and huge need for alone time. But maybe some day... One things for sure: I've got a drunken night in the near future all planned out and I won't be holding back. And that's a promise.

The Sex Date

Finally I'm getting around to writing this entry. I've been stressed about work and now to top it all off I've got a terrible cold (again!), fever and all. But I've propped myself up at my computer to write this entry before the memories become too blurry. Not that I plan on writing out the details... Oh well, on with it already!

So Miss Sex arrived Friday afternoon and came over to my place. I showed her around my apartment (a pretty quick tour, it's not like it's very big) and we ended up on the couch, chatting about music, movies, friends, family, love, sex... you name it, we pretty much talked about it. And this felt like good talking, I must say. Not like they "Oh gawd can you please shut up so we can have sex already?"talking, but rather "Wow, you're a cool person and we're really clicking on this level". Anyway, fortunately one thing did eventually lead to another as she pulled me in for a kiss and then that was that. Good sex ensued. And that was the first night.

Saturday we spent taking bubble baths and cooking and talking some more. In the late afternoon we met up with some of her friends (and some of mine) for drinks. When we got home later that evening some really freakin fantastic sex took place. Really. Some of the best sex of my life. So when I say the first night was good sex, I really mean that: It was GOOD sex. But the second night... Wow. She was awesome, I was awesome. It was then and there that we decided that we definitely need to hook up again at some point in the future. Next time, I'll visit her and we already have plans for what we'll be doing. Hehe.

On Sunday she left pretty early to meet up with a friend before catching her train. Saying goodbye was for once in my life not traumatic at all. And that's something that I love about this whole situation: Miss Sex and I have a great connection, both friendshipwise and sexually. But it is not in any way a love connection. We want different things in some aspects (we want too much of the same in other) and we live many many miles apart. And I think knowing that what we have now is all that we are ever going to have is just so comforting to me. There's no wobbling back and forth, no "what do I feel?", "what do I want?". Just "Ah. Good stuff."

I'm left with a newly awoken appreciation for sex, a boosted sexual confidence level, and the harmonic feeling of finally getting laid.

A quick update

The sex date has come and gone but I've been too busy to blog about it (damn work and sleep, getting in the way of my blogging!) so I just wanted to drop in and let any interested parties know that it was very successful and that I'm exhausted but feeling very pleased... in more ways than one. The dry spell is officially over! Cheers!

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Less than two weeks to go before my sex date is standing in my hallway and... well, we'll see where it goes from there. I'm excited and nervous and feeling a little bit of performace anxiety. It's been a good long while since I've had sex. And regardless of my long dry spell, I'm always nervous before the first time with a new woman. I must say, I never encountered these issues back in the day when I was sleeeping with men. It might in part have to do with the fact that I was younger then, but I believe it has a great deal to do with gender roles and sexuality. With men it wasn't all that difficult to be good in bed. I was confident, aggressive, and wild and I rarely, if ever, felt that I was lacking. With women, it's a whole different bussiness. All women are so very different in what they like, what they don't like, what pleases and what doesn't. I realize that men are different as well, but I suppose I've found that with men it's more in the details the preferences differ while with women there can be very specific and basic dos and don'ts. Why that's the case?

*DISCLAIMER: I will now go into a rant about sexuality, gender, and socializing. Be warned!*

Well, I'm of that queer school of thinking where I believe gender differences are socially constructed, and while I won't bore you to tears with a tirade on the role of sexuality in the hierarchy of societal structure, I do believe that men and women are taught to have very separate takes on sexuality.

The heterosexual paradigm rules that men and women are supposed to be complimentary, that's part of it. And I realize that's where many of my thoughts stem from. With men there's an assumtion that they always want sex and that all sex is good for them, while women will agree to put out every once in a while in exchange for love and safety. Complete bullshit, of course, and most of us know that, rationally speaking. But it's one of those socially embedded norms that lurks beneath the surface and can influence even the most enlightened feminist. I sure as hell know I've been a victim of it! Like I was saying: Back in the day when I was still sleeping with men I could spot a guy, decide I wanted to sleep with him, and proceed to make it happen. With women I shyly stand around waiting for the girl I have my eye on to make her move, not wanting to come off as aggressive or make her uncomfortable. I've discussed this with many of my bisexual friends, whom also confess to having a complete double standard when it comes to picking up men and picking up women. Has our femininst awareness that's made us so good at claiming what we want when it comes to men backfired in the sapphic cruising department? Or have the many years we've spent as victims (in various, individual ways) as women in a male dominated world taken it's toll so that we are terrified in same-sex settings of taking on the male "villain" role? Loosly formed thoughts, but it's been on my mind, what can I say...

*Rant over*

Okay, back to what I started writing about: My sex date. Basically I'm excited, but scared. I'm thrilled we both know what's going to happen and that we'll hopefully avoid the akward "who'll make the first move" dance. I've heard through the grapevine that the woman in question, let's call her Miss Sex, is very excited about coming to visit and has been talking up a storm about it (yes, we are already connected on the chart... thus gossip ensues). I'm feeling the pressure, especially what with her being quite experienced and all my sexual experience with women being confined to girl-on-girl virgins. I've always said I really wanted to have sex with an experienced woman though, and here I am, getting what I've asked for. Sweet!