Thursday, April 17, 2008

Five Signs of a Successful One-Night Stand

In celebration of my first successful one-night stand with a woman (yes, I will admit to have had one or two with guys, back when I was still doing that male thing) I thought I'd try to compile a list of criteria for what makes a one-night stand successful. This is the result:

  1. It's someone you don't know. Sure, this might be a debatable point, but if I were to go home with a friend I've known for a while and have sex with her... I'm not sure what I would define it as, but it wouldn't quite be a one-night stand. In this case it was a complete stranger I met at the girl club (of course we were quickly able to establish which friends we had in common - our world is, after all, so very small), made out with one the dance floor and promptly brought home.
  2. There is actual sex involved. This would seem quite obvious, if it weren't for encounters such as the one I had with Sleep Over Girl back in May of last year (the words "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight" still ring in my head from time to time). This encounter was hassle free. Sure, there was that moment of walking home together, talking about this and that. And then going into my apartment, and then into the bedroom, making small talk while both wonder "Okay, so how are we gonna do this then?". But once we got the kissing going there was no stopping us.
  3. There is no crying or speaking of old relationships. Staying on the topic of Sleep Over Girl for a while... She (and Ex-Gaybor) had me worried that my bed was cursed for quite a while there, what with all the processing that was going on in it. Thankfully that curse seems to have been lifted.
  4. There is no discussion of "where this is going". Now that is really fucking scary when you bring someone home with you expecting some sex with no strings attached and they start talking about how soon they can see you again or hinting towards that they're looking for more than just sex. That's where you have a me-shaped hole in the wall from where I ran out of the room screaming.
  5. You don't call each other afterward. We did actually exchange phone numbers, me and this girl, let's call her Miss One-Night. But we did it in an extremely casual "maybe-we'll-bump-into-each-other-some-day" kind of way with no promise or even mention of us calling one another. It's been two weeks since our encounter and I'm thrilled that I haven't heard from her! When you do call each other... Well, that's something that might have started as a one-night stand but will quickly develop into something else.

So there you have it. A successful one-night stand, as defined by an Anonymous Lesbian. And here's to hoping there's many more in the future! Yes, I'm aiming for total slut status.


Alicia said...

haha, congrats!

Dylan said...

Very nice. I haven't yet mastered the art of the one night stand, although I have tried... they usually turn into "seeing each other" deals or relationships. Ugh.

Thakki Patang said...

I think it is actually ok to keep in touch... well not keep in touch so much as keep the number for future use when you need to text for a booty call *if* the girl seems like someone who won't take the text as a sign that you want something else.. (this is assuming you only want casual)

I am only saying this, cuz one night stands in terms of good sex/chemistry tend to be hit or miss, so keeping booty-call fuck buddies around in case of emergencies seems to be useful as long as you are both good about not getting the emotional boundaries messed up and stay on the same page.

sazi-medea said...

I only found your blog - I'm tempted to call it a column because I really, really think it should be and I'd be a loyal reader if it were - recently and it's an absolute godsend to know that somewhere in the world there are actually small communities of left wing lesbian vegans. I seem to be stranded out here (despite being in the UK, would you believe) by myself and it's really heartwarming to read this. Your writing's incredibly witty and incredibly addictive. :) Consider me a subscriber.

Bravo! And good luck with the ladies!

Anonymous Lesbian said...

Just wanted to say thanks for all the comments! It means the world. :)

Riley said...

Can you write a book and name it the Lesbian's Guide of Getting Laid and Psycho Lesbians? I mean really, your writings are entertainingly genius!

Anonymous said...

I'm liking this blog. I wish I could follow though. Please keep posting!

Anonymous said...

lol...perfect! very well written..

Tuhin Ahmed said...

If you read any number of surveys out there of women on this topic, the overwhelming majority admit that
size is vastly important to their ability to be pleased by a man.
lesbian sex

Vince Stead said...

I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

Imran Malik said...

moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi
moonis elahi