Monday, July 16, 2007

Frienship, love, something?

Still hanging out with Ex-Gaybor. And feeling more and more, for every time we see each other, that we are just not going to be anything more than friends. I like her enough, she's a cute and sweet girl, but there is just no chemistry and we're not getting beyond the hand holding and the timid kisses. And trust me: I have a sex drive, a major sex drive. So it's very weird when I don't want to jump someone that I'm dating. But we just don't have that, I don't think about her that way.
I guess I was hoping that it would change with time, but I'm realizing that nope, this is permanent. So now I just have to break it to her. And I hate breaking something like that to someone.
But then again: I can't keep doing this, seeing her and pretending that eventually this is going to turn into something more than it is now. All it's leading to is a whole lot of anxiety from my side. I feel like I'm misleading her and that for every day that passes she's getting more and more entangled in my web. I did have a talk with her last week, in which I aired my ambivalence about my feelings towards her, so it won't be taken completely out of nowhere when I tell her I think we're better off just being friends... and that makes me feel slightly better. But still not very good.
The good thing in all this is that I'm now entering that phase in my dating cycle where I feel perfectly content being single and have understood that dating is not for me. Nope, I'm oh so happy with my drama free single life and from now on and I won't try and force a relationship, I'll just fall into it when I fall in love.
(Remind me of that when I start complaining about how boring single life is and want to get back into dating mode.)

2 comments:

Hahn at Home said...

I'm in a no-dating mode myself right now after a brief foray back into the fray. Just doesn't seem worth the effort--"full of sound and fury...signifying nothing"

Wow, haven't used Shakespeare in a while. Still not convinced he wasn't a "she."

But, I'm not going to rule out dating later...uh, uh.

Anonymous Lesbian said...

Dating works, I suppose, sometimes. But maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Are there date-illiterate people? Am I one of them?