Sunday, July 29, 2007

I am the psycho magnet

I almost got laid yesterday. Or not so much "laid", more like almost did it standing up in a bathroom at the club. But no, the girl turned out to be psychotic, as is often the case for me.
We partied hard last night, me and the usual suspects. We had all had our share of wine and beer when we got to the club, in good spirits. The club was pretty empty when we got there and for some of the first time visitors it was a bit disconcerting. But we were there early and soon the people started pouring through the doors and the dance floor filled up. I drunk-texted my dog's sitter and invited her and her boyfriend to join us at the gay club. She responded enthusiastically and they showed up just a little while after we arrived. The Dog Sitter had no idea I was gay until yesterday, but she had been to this particular club several times before and revealed herself to be a huge faghag and her boyfriend was tearing it up on the dance floor with his boys.
So, we were all dancing and having a great time. Being slightly harassed by straight men disguised as gay men to get as close as possible to the women (it's more common than you'd think!) but all in all enjoying our selves. I met this girl, let's call her Miss A, who knows my Friend F superficially. We made eyes at each other, we danced, we flirted. We made out and it was some good kissing. I went and found Friend F and told her I hoooked up with Miss A and she told me The Ex had had her eye on her (I've since devised the motto: "the ex before sex" for The Ex and myself) but I obviously didn't know that when I made my move. She also warned me that Miss A is not completely mentally stable. But I was drunk, so it's not like that was going to stop me. Well, it might stop me from taking her home, but not from having sex with her. Hmm.
Then things got creepy. Miss A and I made out some more on the dance floor, and we ended up moving it into the restroom. We locked the door and she turned the light on. Turned it off. Turned it half on. Turned it all off. Turned it on. And so it went for a while. Then lights were off and we were making out and feeling each other up. Then psycho babble:
Miss A: (Abrubtly pulling away) "I hate that I get so aggressive, I hate it!"
Me: "Huh? I didn't think you were being aggressive."
Miss A: "But I am! I know what I'm like, and I hate it!"
Me: (Getting a little bit worried and thinking I should just get out of there) "Well, we probably shouldn't do this whole thing then." (Getting ready to open the door and leave)
Miss A: (Hand on door) "NO! Wait, I need to pee first."
Me: "Well, then you pee and I'll go outside while you do that."
Miss A: (Grabbing my arm) "So what, you're just gonna leave me here?!"
Me: "That's right." (Exit stage)
Blah. I then spent the night with her stalking me around the club, getting jealous if I talked to other girls and at one point saying in a sharp voice that I was "flirting with all the girls tonight" and asking me in a jealous tone who that girl I was talking to was (The Dog Sitter). She could not take a hint this girl.
Still, I had fun. We kept on dancing, The Dog Sitter and I sang karaoke, and all in all it was a good Pre-Pride, minus the psycho. I just hope this evening is not an indicator of what's to come at Pride because if so I'll be almost getting laid with psychos for five days.


Hahn at Home said...

lucky you for getting out of Dodge before things got too dicey...phew

Ro said...

Know what you mean about weeding out the numerous weirdos who seem so sane at the beginning (probably b/c you’re so horny, and any common sense is dully obliterated by your raging hormones). Sigh. The female involuntary celibacy is a global epidemic. Where is Natalie Portman when you need her the most? She seems very sane!

Good luck with Pride Week!
Looking forward to your next post.

Anonymous Lesbian said...

In deed, I got out just in time... and yes, raging hormones can be a problem when it comes to seeing psycho signals. I'm too busy trying to get laid that I turn a blind eye to the early warning signs, I suppose... Good to know I'm not alone in this.