Concerned Co-Workers and Easter Sex

My co-workers are deeply concerned about me. The reason for all this concern? The fact that I spend my Friday evenings watching old episodes of The Office and crocheting. I agree that it is slightly alarming. I mean, I am in my early 20's, an age that is typically more associated with wild nights out and sleep deprivation. So I find it sweet that two of my co-workers were trying to encourage me to go out and date, or at least find myself a one-night stand or two.

I, of course, informed them of my recently booked four day trip to go see Miss Sex. That is, however, way off in the future, or more specifically Easter weekend (oh, March, you can't come soon enough). I'm very much looking forward to it and I've gone ahead and purchased a few toys to bring along, all to fulfill some of the scenarios Miss Sex and I are itching to put into practice. Well, I didn't tell the co-workers about the toys actually, thought that might be a bit much. But I did tell them that I have some sex planned in already, so my dry spell this time around won't be quite so prolonged.

Miss Sex does live quite a long train ride away though, and so my one co-worker suggested I get myself a more local booty call. That sounds good and all, but honestly Miss Sex is the only queer woman I've met so far who's had such an awesomely free outlook on sex with no strings attached. I've met women who come off as being very free-spirited, but once you get down to it... lots and lots of strings get attached. And then there's others that truly share my outlook on sex, but most of those are my dear friends whom I have no physical attraction towards. But hey, I'm always on the look-out. And anyway, it's not like I wouldn't consider a relationship, should an oppurtunity arise. I just think the chances are slim of me finding someone I can connect with on all the necessary levels and who actually fits into my life of very busy and huge need for alone time. But maybe some day... One things for sure: I've got a drunken night in the near future all planned out and I won't be holding back. And that's a promise.

On Being Social, But Still Lazy

I attempted to leave the comfort of my home this weekend, which was probably something that was very good for me. I've spent too many weekend nights sitting at home, watching tv and crocheting. It must stop!

The Ex lured me out Friday night by calling me up and pleading for me to come out with her and her class mates. She claimed they were starting to think that I didn't exist and she very sweetly referred to me as her "trofé ex", as in "check it out, I dated her". How could I say no to being paraded in front of her friends? So I changed my top (that's all the effort I was willing to make)and headed out to meet her at the release party they were at.

And a good party it was! Good music, lots of queerness (both in performances and in party goers). Lots and lots of eye candy. I made total eye contact with a very cute girl at the bar (long red dreads, so pretty), but that's were the lazy comes in. I was trying to push The Ex into making a move on one of the girls she was basically drooling over, but we quickly realized we're in the same space: Tired. We rarely go out, we're exhausted by school/work, and once we are out... Well, just being out and about amongst people demands all the energy we can muster up and thus there is no energy left for striking up a conversation with cute strangers. Or maybe it's all a tragic excuse because we're scaredy cats. I'm working on it though.

Until then:

Eye candy

I want to make this quote a mixtape

"There is homophobia in every corner and pocket of this world, but at the core ... you just love someone and want to make mixtapes for them" -Sara Quin

Just yet another reason why the Quin twins are awesome.

Oh, I'm ready: Bring 2008 ON!

It's 2008, which feels unreal. I feel like the big millenium thing just happened last year and that makes me feel old. Even though I'm not at all (early 20's still!).

But just as with the mark of any new year, people feel the need to improve themselves, to make a fresh start, and to reinvent different areas of their lives right about now. And I am no exception. I tend to think that new year's resolutions are silly and that making them around december 31st doesn't really make them any more likely to stick than if you were to make a resolution on a wednesday afternoon in april. But nevermind that, I still make new year's resolutions.

For 2007 I made just one (that I can remember anyway...) and that was to not have sex. Now, you might be wondering "to NOT have sex? Is this woman out of her mind?". Well, possibly, but don't base that assumption on my new year's resolution before hearing my explanation for why a resolution not to have sex is the best new year's resolution ever. See, it's a win-win situation. There are two scenarios:

1. I don't have sex all year. Well, that sucks... but at least I kept my new year's resolution!
2. I have sex. Damn it, I broke my new year's resolution... but who the fuck cares, I got laid! Woohoo!

And that is why I am repeating this resolution for 2008. (Just for the record: I totally broke my 2007 resolution. I repeat: Woohoo!)

I also have some boring but stimulating and environmentally friendly ones, such as reading more books and consuming less. But I won't go into detail about that.

Instead I'll delve into the one that has to do with my dating life. I have decided to challenge myself to do something that I have thought about many times but never dared to actually do. Before the end of 2008 I will ask a stranger out. And I don't mean online or through a friend or something, I mean in person. It seems like one of those things that people always do in movies. They see that cute girl in the coffee shop, walk up to her and casually ask if she's single and if she'd like to go out some time. I wanna do that! I'd actually like to be just as forward and laidback about it as the guy in Office Space is when he walks up to Jennifer Anistons character in the restaurant she works in and asks her out to lunch. But then again, that guy was under serious hypnosis at the time and was doing some other pretty crazy stuff at the time, so maybe that's not a good idea to go that far... Regardless of how I do it, I've already got my eye on a very cute girl who works in a store I frequent. We shall see.

Vegans Are Sexy

Okay, I realize it might sound a bit conceited, since I myself am vegan. And I will admit there are probably quite a few exceptions. But all in all, there's just no way getting around it: Vegans are hot.

This weekend I visited a big vegan fair, which all in all had over 1500 visitors. A good portion of which were women who set off my gaydar. A small bit of it might have been wishful lesbian thinking, but most of it was definitely not. It is my experience that many queer women are vegan. Or many vegan women are queer. Not sure which is the hen and which is the egg in this case. Regardless: Vegans eat neither. And it does them good, because wow. I've rarely seen so many goodlooking women in one place.

I found myself exchaning glances with plenty of cute girls, and even engaging a few in conversation (well, it's easy when they're selling t-shirts and you're buying them...). But of course I could never conciously flirt with any of them. I only do it inadverdently and when The Ex points out that "hey, that girl was totally flirting with you" I get shy. As much as I would love to march on back to that vending table and ask the cute vegan out, I instead find myself muttering over my plate of tofu ham half an hour later "I wish I was Shane". Because let's face it: In a room full of gorgeous queer girls Shane would have definitely walked away with a pocket full of phone numbers. It think I feel a new year's resolution coming on...

The Sex Date

Finally I'm getting around to writing this entry. I've been stressed about work and now to top it all off I've got a terrible cold (again!), fever and all. But I've propped myself up at my computer to write this entry before the memories become too blurry. Not that I plan on writing out the details... Oh well, on with it already!

So Miss Sex arrived Friday afternoon and came over to my place. I showed her around my apartment (a pretty quick tour, it's not like it's very big) and we ended up on the couch, chatting about music, movies, friends, family, love, sex... you name it, we pretty much talked about it. And this felt like good talking, I must say. Not like they "Oh gawd can you please shut up so we can have sex already?"talking, but rather "Wow, you're a cool person and we're really clicking on this level". Anyway, fortunately one thing did eventually lead to another as she pulled me in for a kiss and then that was that. Good sex ensued. And that was the first night.

Saturday we spent taking bubble baths and cooking and talking some more. In the late afternoon we met up with some of her friends (and some of mine) for drinks. When we got home later that evening some really freakin fantastic sex took place. Really. Some of the best sex of my life. So when I say the first night was good sex, I really mean that: It was GOOD sex. But the second night... Wow. She was awesome, I was awesome. It was then and there that we decided that we definitely need to hook up again at some point in the future. Next time, I'll visit her and we already have plans for what we'll be doing. Hehe.

On Sunday she left pretty early to meet up with a friend before catching her train. Saying goodbye was for once in my life not traumatic at all. And that's something that I love about this whole situation: Miss Sex and I have a great connection, both friendshipwise and sexually. But it is not in any way a love connection. We want different things in some aspects (we want too much of the same in other) and we live many many miles apart. And I think knowing that what we have now is all that we are ever going to have is just so comforting to me. There's no wobbling back and forth, no "what do I feel?", "what do I want?". Just "Ah. Good stuff."

I'm left with a newly awoken appreciation for sex, a boosted sexual confidence level, and the harmonic feeling of finally getting laid.

A quick update

The sex date has come and gone but I've been too busy to blog about it (damn work and sleep, getting in the way of my blogging!) so I just wanted to drop in and let any interested parties know that it was very successful and that I'm exhausted but feeling very pleased... in more ways than one. The dry spell is officially over! Cheers!

Ex Couples Dinner

It is a quite common thing for couples to invite other couples over for dinner once in a while. Well, this weekend I had myself a little ex couples dinner. It was me and The Ex, and then my two best friends who just broke up about a year ago but had before that been together for as long as I've known them. Let's call them Chip and Dale (because that's what they sound like when they talk over each other). The Ex, Chip, Dale and myself all had a lovely evening of vegan spinach and tofu pie and board games. Everyone spent the night, and we spent the last bit of the evening before going to sleep all cuddled up on my fold out sofa bed, relaxing and talking about random things. All in all, a great evening with lots of laughs. Why don't more people have ex couples dinners? Or maybe they do and I just don't know about it? One things for sure: This will be a recurring thing for these two ex couples.

The Ex is now officially hooked on "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila", after being recommended by me to check it out. Why would I tell her to watch such a horribly tragic show? Well, because it is the show that the word "trashtastic" was invented for. And The Ex and I both love us some trashtasticness. I mean: Yes, "A Shot at Love" is offensive at times. It promotes plenty of stereotypes about men, women, bisexuals, straight guys, lesbians... and so on. But it's also really frickin hilarious and cringe worthily exciting. The cat fights, the stupid comments, the insanely ridiculous challenges... It's all just so bad that it's good.

In "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" psychotic violence and crying fits are gender blind.

The Lesbionic Woman

I haven't even seen The Bionic Woman, but this is just too awesome:
Online Videos by Veoh.com

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Less than two weeks to go before my sex date is standing in my hallway and... well, we'll see where it goes from there. I'm excited and nervous and feeling a little bit of performace anxiety. It's been a good long while since I've had sex. And regardless of my long dry spell, I'm always nervous before the first time with a new woman. I must say, I never encountered these issues back in the day when I was sleeeping with men. It might in part have to do with the fact that I was younger then, but I believe it has a great deal to do with gender roles and sexuality. With men it wasn't all that difficult to be good in bed. I was confident, aggressive, and wild and I rarely, if ever, felt that I was lacking. With women, it's a whole different bussiness. All women are so very different in what they like, what they don't like, what pleases and what doesn't. I realize that men are different as well, but I suppose I've found that with men it's more in the details the preferences differ while with women there can be very specific and basic dos and don'ts. Why that's the case?

*DISCLAIMER: I will now go into a rant about sexuality, gender, and socializing. Be warned!*

Well, I'm of that queer school of thinking where I believe gender differences are socially constructed, and while I won't bore you to tears with a tirade on the role of sexuality in the hierarchy of societal structure, I do believe that men and women are taught to have very separate takes on sexuality.

The heterosexual paradigm rules that men and women are supposed to be complimentary, that's part of it. And I realize that's where many of my thoughts stem from. With men there's an assumtion that they always want sex and that all sex is good for them, while women will agree to put out every once in a while in exchange for love and safety. Complete bullshit, of course, and most of us know that, rationally speaking. But it's one of those socially embedded norms that lurks beneath the surface and can influence even the most enlightened feminist. I sure as hell know I've been a victim of it! Like I was saying: Back in the day when I was still sleeping with men I could spot a guy, decide I wanted to sleep with him, and proceed to make it happen. With women I shyly stand around waiting for the girl I have my eye on to make her move, not wanting to come off as aggressive or make her uncomfortable. I've discussed this with many of my bisexual friends, whom also confess to having a complete double standard when it comes to picking up men and picking up women. Has our femininst awareness that's made us so good at claiming what we want when it comes to men backfired in the sapphic cruising department? Or have the many years we've spent as victims (in various, individual ways) as women in a male dominated world taken it's toll so that we are terrified in same-sex settings of taking on the male "villain" role? Loosly formed thoughts, but it's been on my mind, what can I say...

*Rant over*

Okay, back to what I started writing about: My sex date. Basically I'm excited, but scared. I'm thrilled we both know what's going to happen and that we'll hopefully avoid the akward "who'll make the first move" dance. I've heard through the grapevine that the woman in question, let's call her Miss Sex, is very excited about coming to visit and has been talking up a storm about it (yes, we are already connected on the chart... thus gossip ensues). I'm feeling the pressure, especially what with her being quite experienced and all my sexual experience with women being confined to girl-on-girl virgins. I've always said I really wanted to have sex with an experienced woman though, and here I am, getting what I've asked for. Sweet!