Monday, April 23, 2007

And the reasons keep on coming...

My dating comes in cycles. I'm single, I get bored (not to mention horny), I start thinking that I should find myself a girlfriend. So I go out on the prowl. I revisit gay community websites where I search through the profiles in my city, striking up cyber convoes that sometimes lead to meeting up. I go out to clubs with my friends and actually make an effort to talk to women and perhaps even ask for someone's phone number. I ask my friends to set me up on dates. And then comes the date. Sometimes one is enough for me to say "no more" and return to the comfort of my single life that suddenly doesn't seem boring at all, just very very safe. Sometimes I date a couple of women, not being deterred so easily. But I always end up in the same place: Thinking that all women (at least the queer ones) are insane, and reconsidering religion, since a convent seems like a perfectly viable option. Living a simple life that comes complete with eternal vows of celibacy... what's not to love? I've yet to actually end up in a convent, mainly because it seems religiousity seems to be a criteria for most, but I do always retreat to my apartment which isn't much different from a nunnery, at least as far as the amount of sex that goes on here. In fact, I think the nuns get way more action than I do. But that's a tangent. The point is, the cycle goes: Bored with single life - looking for dates - going on dates - running home, terrified - loving the safety of single life... and then back to bored with single life. So what is it about these dates that are so scary? Well, either they like me too much, as was the case with one very nice girl. She was pretty sane and everything. But, turns out she was either very prude or just completely asexual. All this girl wanted to do was cuddle. Once in a while she'd want to make out, but just for about 15 seconds, then it was all about the cuddling. I don't mind cuddling, but it was really to the point of something absurd. Cuddle Girl and I lasted about three weeks and then I moved on, breaking her heart in the process (which was absolutely horrible, sitting opposite her with her shaky lower lip and tears in her eyes). Then there was the girl I like to call simply Inner Journey Girl. GREAT chemistry, but she was absolutely bonkers. On our second date I felt the need to explain I didn't want to rush into anything, since I was sensing she was already in the process of looking up U-haul rates. She nodded her head in agreement and said it sounded like we were on the same page, and how she didn't want to rush into anything either. Yeah right. Two minutes later she was telling me how I was everything she ever searched for in a woman and how this was something she'd never felt before, and how did I feel about signing up for tango lessons? When I called her up a week later or so and said I didn't think we should see each other anymore I mentioned maybe I'd see her at the women's club we both frequent the upcoming Saturday. She rambled about how she wasn't sure she would be able to make it since she was planning a journey. A journey home. To the center of her. An inner journey. Hence nick-named Inner Journey Girl. So there they are: Two more reasons why I don't date much.

3 comments:

Inte som alla andra said...

Ok, here we go...

I've read a large part of your blogg, and I must confess, that I really want to sign up for tango lessons. It will be like an inner journey together...

Funny sidenote, my friend JP told me the other day that I was the most sane lesbian he knew... made me kind of scared, because I am not totally sane... *shrugg*

Anonymous Lesbian said...

I've read a large part of your blogg, and I must confess, that I really want to sign up for tango lessons.

Yes, I have that effect on women. :)

I think I'm fairly sane... but you know, it's all relative, and being surrounded by queer women...

Thakki Patang said...

There was a sex and the city episode about this. No matter how sane I am normally, when it comes to love and dating - all sorts of insecurities and anxieties come out - which is kind of why I just end up avoiding dating. I like this explanation on wikipedia:

http://thakkipatang.blogspot.com/2008/05/httpen.html